One day of my life

Sometimes I mix up my age and the past 30 years of Afghanistan's turbulent history. Since we share many common things happened in our past. I will get to this point later, but today I will talk about my birthday. Yesterday was my birthday, not a regular birthday, just reminded me of adding another happy year to my fragile life. I spent the whole day alone, in my residence, with myself. No candles, no cakes, no birthday song, nothing that one would image of a typical birth-day. In fact, I was not even aware of the subject matter, tell I received a birthday wish from my Facebook friend, from the other side of the globe. For a moment, I closed my eyes and went back, thinking of my family in Afghanistan, the country where I came from, the people, those who are not with us anymore, those who are still wandering if they will see me before their time comes to end, or those who have tied their big dreams and hopes to my tiny little life.

Thinking of all above issues, made me sad, had some tears in my eyes for remembering those who never had chance to see me, and for millions of others who never had/have a chance to celebrate their birthdays where fear, brutality, or terrorism does not influence people's personal lives. Approaching to mid-day, my nature changed from sadness to moderate happy, and continued to climb to the happy level. There was a genuine feeling created inside me, pushing me for being happy, to celebrate, to conquer the sad feelings, and subdue the sorrow. Well, could never be subdued or permanently removed from a considerate Afghan's life, but trying to be happy is a way to do so.

Later one, I was a different person then I was in the morning. I was more active, funny, there was a long-lasting smile in my face, I was singing, running between the kitchen and my office/computer room back and forward, and switching between computer activity and watching television was happening more frequently than could happen in an adult as my age would do. I was more careless when handling kitchen ware, and even I hurt my finger in some case. During the mid afternoon, I went out and checked my mailbox, I ran the whole distance. My neighbor knocked my door and wandering if there is an emergency, or if she could be in any need or help. I apologized for inconvenience and promised that I will not run again "outside!"..

However, closing the door, I ran again to my computer room. logged on to you tube, watched a beautiful Afghan song, and that song set a rhythm for the rest of the day. If one could see through my window, would be thinking of "what in the world is going on with this guy". Well, true, something was going on, nothing like what people are suspecting others for. So, the day was becoming darker, and during all activities, I had to do a very important task in computer as well. By the end of this day, I managed to have fun, finished my task, did whatever it took to stay happy, and made myself enough tired that I would sleep for the whole next day I wouldn't have a job to do.

Past evening, my family came from outside, yelling that what the "hell" happened, what did I do, and what was going on. But I just listened and had no energy to explain everything. In face, I started playing with my cute little daughter. I played exactly like a 3 or 4 year old kid would play. My child was really comprehending me better acting that way. For a moment, I ran with her to the kitchen, turned on the TV, switched of the TV, she wanted me to play a song in the "Puter" since she can not pronounce the full name of "Com-Puter". By playing the song, she started dancing, singing (murmuring), and enjoying the moment exactly how I was enjoying it earlier in the day.

After a moment, when my family went to bed, and called it of for the day. I went back to my world of thoughts, and had a recap of the days achievements. There was and still a question of who and why I was different then other days. Why I was so sad in the morning, and happy like 4 years old in evening? What was the cause of this genuine sad-to-happy transition? Who changed my supposed to be a sad birthday to a memorable birthday? Who added up more joy and happiness to my self-made happy birth-day.

Dear reader!

I am not objecting your opinion in regards to my "weird" birthday. But I am completely honest, I tried to mention whatever I could recall from my previous day which was my birthday. I also have no idea what kind of message my this birth-day ordeal will convey, since it depends on how will one interpret it. Therefore, I will try to explain the matter in case if some one would want to know how did I feel about this day.

There is an inner child in everyone. Some people are honest smart, and brave that they are able to recognize that inner child. Some are brutally ignore it. Others are unable to make a line and limit between the inner child of one's inside and children of real life. It really depends on every human's nature and personal history. In addition to this inner child of a human body, there is an innocence, humbleness, genuine happiness, conscious-awareness, alert, understanding, and many other factors involved and carried within this inner child story. I could not image a happy ending to my lonely, sad, full of sorrow, full of heartbreaking memories of my past, and full of thinking about the country's present geopolitical turmoil. Somehow, my inner child detected my inner fear of spending the whole in above objectives, accordingly, my inner child bravely intervened, changed  everything for the best and turned my this birthday to a memorable day of my life.

A genuine happiness, like I always said to my friends, is always coming from one's inside. If people depend and tie creating their happiness in outer world objects and subjects, that is called happy moments, but not a happiness. These happy moments are temporary. This world is beautiful, every moment of this life is precious than ever. Every moment that we spend in our life reminds us that we are so blessed and lucky, because there are millions of other human beings whom are stripped off their inner child, happiness, hope, freedom, dreams, wishes, and many other astonishing objectives that we are surrounded by, but we always ignored them.

I wish same transition of sad-to-happiness happen to the days of Afghanistan. There are so many opportunities waiting for Afghans to seize. Unfortunately, lack of understanding and intolerance against social interactions between the outer wold and inner world of  many Afghans within Afghanistan, and outside of Afghanistan gone for a long sleep. Sarcastically the psycho-pathological actions of many political figures and non-political leaders seem to be lacking a wish to end to the saddening turbulence in all walks of Afghans lives. I am sure the international community will do everything to bring Afghanistan to the level countries and nations who are happy, joyful, and grateful for what they are surrounded by. However, that happiness will be temporary if Afghans themselves rely, tie, and depend on others to bring or create joy, happiness, and freedom for all men, women and children of Afghanistan.